Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
two words: eviction party
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
