On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize