This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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