I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
