I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
