i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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