I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
