I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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