just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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