I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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