Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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