Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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