I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
