Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So much rum. So many feels.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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