I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
