i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
