so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
