my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize