I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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