I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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