Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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