the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
