1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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