So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
