This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
