I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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