Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
