Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
