sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
