Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
