can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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