I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize