I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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