i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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