we're blogging at a bar
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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