I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
