Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
