I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
