it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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