can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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