remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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