10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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