I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
