Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
