professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
