We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
