It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
