I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
