I molested 6 butterflies tonight
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
