you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
