You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
