Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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