Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
there is glitter all over my balls
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