she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
