when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize