this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When did angry sex become our thing?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
