You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
