Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The air taste purple.
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