We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
