If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
