you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
well you can't waste a boner
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
try to milk me bitch
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