i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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