I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
